Tips to Help Siblings Avoid or Resolve an Estate Battle

Careful estate planning before death can address many of the issues that might otherwise arise after a parent dies. Parents usually know whether their children are likely to fight over their inheritance and should take action while living to prevent conflicts after their death.

Open communication between living parents and their children can alleviate the stress that arises when a parent dies.

Estate Planning Tools

• Will: The specifics of who inherits what can be defined in a last will. There is no rule against disinheriting a child. However, to avoid legal challenges by a disinherited child, a parent should consider discussing the matter with the child before death or explaining in the will the reason for the action.
• Trust: Another good practice is to use a trust to specify property dispositions after death. A revocable trust can be changed at any time up to death, assuming the parent remains competent.
• Titles: Creating titles in the joint names of a parent and child, so assets pass automatically to the child, is another way to avoid conflict. This can be done for a bank account, brokerage account, or real estate.
• Independent Executor: Using a non-sibling executor or trustee for the estate can also help keep the peace. A third party who does not stand to gain from any decisions regarding property distributions may be a good idea, particularly if a parent anticipates sibling disputes.

Gifting

A parent may want to gift certain items to see a child’s enjoyment and gratitude. This action can help prevent conflict over the property after the parent dies. For example, a mother who has two daughters might give both of them rings, bracelets, and necklaces as birthday or holiday gifts.

Similarly, parents with sufficient financial resources may give gifts of money over many years. In 2025, the annual gift tax exclusion is $19,000. This means that tax filers can give away up to $19,000 per person without paying tax on those gifts.

Alternative Options

• Labeling items: The label should name the sibling who will inherit the item after the parent dies. While the tag does not represent a legal document, it is indicative of the parents’ intent and may help prevent sibling spats.
• Letter of Instruction: A letter of instruction can be written by the parent outlining who gets what. The letter is not legally binding but serves as a roadmap.
• Give choices: Using this strategy, each sibling picks a desired item. Continue selections in sibling order until all of the desired items have been claimed.
• Lottery: Write a brief description of each item that all children want. Put the slips in a hat. Then have the siblings take turns drawing slips until the hat is empty.

When Conflict Occurs

• Mediation: A professional mediator can gather all the siblings together and work with them to reach a consensus.
• Liquidate assets: When siblings lay claim to the same assets and cannot agree, one option is to sell the assets and split the proceeds evenly among them.
• Independent fiduciary: Siblings can decline their appointment as executor or trustee so that someone else can be the fiduciary and make decisions on asset distributions. This step should only be taken if the siblings agree on the appointment of the person who will act as executor. This person could be a family member, an attorney, a CPA, or a bank’s trust department.

The Bottom Line

Parents should take action while alive to prevent conflicts after their death. Feelings among siblings and financial circumstances can change, so plans should be reviewed and revised accordingly. Rival siblings can consult with a lawyer to decide the best course of action if conflicts occur.