The Costs of LGBTQ+ Family Planning

Source: Family Equality Council

Legal Fees

Adoption and surrogacy aren’t always easy for LGBTQ+ people. Only 29 states plus Washington D.C. have laws in place that prohibit discrimination against prospective adoptive parents based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. In 14 states, state-licensed child welfare agencies can legally refuse to place children with same sex-couples and LGBTQ+ individuals if they say it is against their religious beliefs.

Like adoption, states have their own laws when it comes to surrogacy. In some states, surrogacy is not permitted, and surrogacy contracts are not legally valid. In April 2024, the state of Michigan decriminalized paid agreements for surrogacy, where previously contracts for compensation were illegal and subject to criminal penalties.

Becoming a legal parent can be another obstacle. A birth certificate alone is sometimes not substantial proof of parentage in court dealings or medical emergencies. Legal fees to establish parentage range from $100 to $3,000. This includes situations in which the donor’s parental rights are terminated or rights are secured for a nonbiological parent. If an LGBTQ+ couple seeks a stepparent or second-parent adoption, they can expect to pay $250 to $3,000.

How to Prepare Financially

Whether you are adopting a child or using a surrogate or IUI, the cost of bringing a child into your home is only the beginning of your family’s financial journey. According to the Brookings Institution, it will cost an estimated $310,605 to raise a child born in 2015 to the age of 17, factoring the future impact of inflation. These figures were calculated for middle-income families with two children.

Furthermore, this represents a substantial increase from the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s (USDA) 2017 estimate, which reported that the cost of raising a child born in 2015 was approximately $233,610 for middle-income married couples.

This figure includes basic costs that a middle-income family would incur from the child’s birth through age 18, such as food, shelter, transportation, healthcare, clothing, childcare, and education (not including college).

This might seem overwhelming to prospective parents, particularly those who also have to plan for costs such as adoption or fertility treatments. Having a plan in place will give you peace of mind and help you ensure financial security for the future.

Here are some budgeting tips that can help LGBTQ+ families start off on the right financial foot.

Plan for Family Leave Time

It’s important to understand which benefits your employer offers for new parents, such as pay, length of time off, benefits for fathers compared to mothers, etc. According to a 2023 report from the Society for Human Resource Management, 40% percent of U.S. employers offer paid maternity leave, and 32% offer paid paternity leave.

Your company may not offer paid time off, but you may qualify for benefits under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) for 12 weeks of unpaid leave.

Explore LGBTQ+ Family-Building Grants

Some organizations will provide financial assistance to LGBTQ+ families who want to start a family. For example, HelpUsAdopt.org offers adoption grants up to $30,000 for couples and individuals looking to adopt a child. It is free to apply for grants, and the program supports all types of families.

LGBTQ+ families can also receive financial assistance for reproductive technology. One example is the Baby Quest Foundation, which provides grants to individuals and couples who can’t afford in vitro fertilization, sperm and egg donation, egg freezing, and surrogacy costs.

There is also a federal tax credit for up to $17,280 in qualified adoption expenses per child in 2025, up from the $16,810 in 2024. The credit is nonrefundable, but you can carry over any remaining credits to future tax years for up to five years.

Create and Stick to a Budget

Whether you are adjusting your budget for your growing family or starting from scratch, the most important thing is to make sure the budget works for you. Start by adding up your monthly household net income. Next, list all of your fixed and variable monthly expenses, including things like:

• Mortgage or rent
• Groceries
• Car payment
• Wireless bill
• Streaming services
• Childcare

Debt, Savings, and Fun

Monthly debt obligations also should be included with your expenses. For example, if you used a loan or credit card to pay for fertility treatments, you’ll want to make sure that you allocate enough for the payment.

Next, determine your savings goals. This should include long-term savings, such as a retirement fund, and three to six months’ worth of expenses saved in an emergency fund. You may also want to consider a college savings plan, such as a 529 plan, for your child(ren). Calculate the amount you need to save each month to meet your goals, and include this amount in your budget.

Don’t forget about “fun money.” Having children means that you’ll likely spend more money on birthday celebrations and holidays. Be sure you have enough set aside so that your family can enjoy these moments. You can link your bank account to a budgeting app or software to help you stay on track. Or, if you prefer, keeping track of your budget in a good old-fashioned spreadsheet works, too.

Review Insurance and Estate-Planning Documents

Now that you are responsible for another human being, it’s essential to ensure that you have adequate health and life insurance for your family. Term life insurance, which pays out a death benefit if the beneficiary dies during a stated term, is usually a good option for parents.

Parents should also have a last will and testament that specifies who would get custody of their children if something happens to both parents. You can create a will by using a free service online or hiring a financial planner specializing in estate planning.

The Bottom Line

Today, LGBTQ+ families and individuals have significantly more options when it comes to starting a family than earlier generations did. However, these options can come with a hefty price tag. It’s important not to take these steps without thinking through the financial aspects and planning in advance.