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Before infertility, I never imagined I’d become an advocate, build a global community, or write a book about something so personal. I thought my path to parenthood would be straightforward. A few months, maybe some cycle tracking, and then we’d be planning a nursery.
But months turned into years. And with each negative test, I felt a growing sense of fear and isolation. The world around me moved forward while I remained stuck. I was caught in a cycle of appointments, IVF cycles, loss, and a kind of exhaustion no one prepares you for.
There’s so much about infertility that goes unspoken. The guilt. The anger. The invisible grief. The pressure to hold it all together while feeling like you’re unraveling inside. I didn’t know where to put those feelings, or if I was even allowed to name them.
I didn’t set out to become an advocate. Like many, I believed I’d be pregnant relatively quickly. But what followed was a long road filled with uncertainty, invasive treatments, and recurrent pregnancy loss. A road that was eye-opening, heartbreaking, and unsupported.
Infertility doesn’t just affect your body. It reshapes your entire sense of self. The confidence I once had was replaced by anxiety. My relationships were strained, including the one with myself. I questioned everything: my worth, my purpose, even whether I could trust my own body.
For a long time, I kept it all in. I didn’t know anyone else going through it, and I had internalized the idea that my value was tied to motherhood. But eventually, the weight of silence became too much. I began sharing small pieces of my experience online, not expecting anyone to read them.
But they did.
People who had been grieving behind closed doors. People who didn’t know how to put their pain into words. People who, for the first time, felt seen. That’s when I realized I wasn’t alone. None of us were. We just didn’t have the space or the permission to talk about it.
That’s how The IVF Warrior came to be. What started as late-night reflections grew into a global platform built on empowerment, education, and support. I suddenly went from being a patient searching for answers to building a platform that now supports millions of people globally. And somewhere along the way, I wrote Unspoken: The Unbearable Weight of Infertility, the book I needed most when I felt completely alone.
Unspoken is unlike anything ever written about infertility. It’s a raw, honest, and deeply relatable reflection on the emotional toll, identity loss, and invisible grief that so many carry. It’s not a success story. It’s a mirror.
It’s for the woman crying in her car after a failed cycle. For the couple carrying a heartbreak no one else can see. For the person consumed by relentless questions like, “Why me?” and “What did I do to deserve this?”
Writing Unspoken meant returning to the hardest chapters of my life. It’s the book I so desperately needed but couldn’t find.
I wrote it for the version of me who felt lost, ashamed, and completely alone. And I wrote it for you. For anyone who has ever carried this silent weight and wondered if anyone truly understood. I needed someone to say, “I see you.” So now, I’m saying it to you.
Infertility didn’t just disrupt my plans, dreams, and life. It redefined who I thought I was. It challenged my beliefs about strength, purpose, and identity. But it also gave me something I never expected: community. A mission that now extends far beyond my own story.
I never imagined I’d be here: writing, advocating, speaking up. But I’m grateful for the path I never planned. In sharing my experience, I found myself again. And in helping others feel understood, I found purpose.
Infertility doesn’t have to remain unspoken. When we speak our truth, we make room for others to do the same. This isn’t just my story, it’s ours. And together, we can change the way the world understands fertility care, one voice at a time.
Author Bio:
Cheryl Dowling is the founder of The IVF Warrior, an award-winning platform and community that supports millions navigating infertility and reproductive health. As a writer, speaker, and global advocate, she amplifies the emotional realities so often left out of fertility conversations. Cheryl is the author of Unspoken: The Unbearable Weight of Infertility, a raw and relatable reflection on the silent grief behind reproductive struggles.
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